317 words (2-2.5 minutes)You wanna know something funny that I do? Whenever I'm sad, or down with myself, I read my old diaries. So, on Friday night I read one that wrote about when we first met Jason and we went to camp with him that first year. I must have wrote at least 20 times how I wish that I could just "be friends" with him and talk to him and I wrote about like, "Oh my gosh we went out to eat with Jason today after church and he was wearing blue jeans and a red shirt!" You know, really dumb stuff. Then, I kept reading and it turned from that to wanting him to like me back, wanting him to call me, or to just go somewhere alone with him.
And then, reading the most recent things I wrote I find myself just wanting, I don't know, more of him. I mean, I realized that I have gotten everything I have prayed and asked for so far, its taken 2 and a half years but, its still all been given to me. Maybe i'm just pressing my luck, but that's what I am the most thankful for. It's gone from me being nervous and not being able to talk to him, to still being nervous but going to a play...a date with him! He DID call me and we DID go somewhere alone! So, why do I still feel like its not done?
It isn't. I want a relationship with him that goes beyond what we already have and I think it will always be that way until one day, if i'm lucky I get it. So all I can do now is keep praying and hoping. Even if it takes another 2 and a half years for my first kiss to be from him, I will wait. I will wait as long as I have to.